


Obsessive Personalities

by AThousandWishes



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Nightwing (Comics)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:20:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25476025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AThousandWishes/pseuds/AThousandWishes
Summary: Written back in 2008...pure silly fic and fluff!Bruce is obsessed and ends up dragging everyone else along with him.
Kudos: 12





	Obsessive Personalities

Obsessive Personalities  
  
1/1  
  
Rated: G  
  
  
  
  
  
Alfred frowned at the scene in front of him. It was the same sight that  
had greeted him for the past three days. Batman sat frozen, staring  
despondently at the computer screen.  
  
  
  
"Master Bruce?" The old gentleman approached, hoping to draw  
his charge's attention away from what appeared to be a difficult  
case. "Perhaps a respite would help put matters in focus. A spot  
of tea or light meal…or dare I say, a nap?"  
  
  
  
"Not now, Alfred," Batman growled impatiently. "These  
numbers cannot be right. I've gone wrong somewhere."  
  
  
  
"Might I be of some assist…"  
  
  
  
"NO!" Swirling around and blocking the screen with his body,  
Batman insisted, "I've got it under control. Really!"  
Removing his mask, Bruce's blue eyes implored to be left alone.  
"Just…give me a little more time, old friend. I know I can get  
this right…I just need to take another look at it. One more  
time." When Alfred stood his ground, Bruce sighed and said,  
"Okay, some nice warm tea and a sandwich sounds wonderful."  
  
  
  
"Very good, sir." Satisfied, Alfred returned to the manor  
above.  
  
  
  
As soon as he was alone again, Bruce resumed his cross-examination,  
searching for where the data had gone dreadfully wrong.  
  
  
  
***********  
  
  
  
After setting the kettle onto the burner, Alfred retrieved the phone and  
sat down at the kitchen table. He knew the signs of when Bruce had  
become obsessed with a case and who it would take to help drag the man  
away from impossible causes.  
  
  
  
"Hello?"  
  
  
  
"Master Dick."  
  
  
  
"Alfred! What's up?"  
  
  
  
Rolling his eyes, Alfred sighed. These younger generations and their  
slang speech! He was unsure how to begin. With Richard, it was best to  
be as direct as possible—hints and insinuations bounced off the boy  
like bullets on Superman. "I realize how terribly hectic your  
schedule must be, my dear boy. However, Master Bruce appears to need  
some assistance with a case he is currently…"  
  
  
  
"Bruce needs my help?"  
  
  
  
"Let me make myself very clear, lad." Alfred made sure to  
emphasize his next sentence. "I would appreciate your assistance in  
offering aid to Master Bruce on this particular case in which he has  
been obsessively toiling over for three days now."  
  
  
  
"Oh! I see." Dick was silent for a while. "Three days?  
What's the case?"  
  
  
  
"He was not forthcoming about the details."  
  
  
  
"Not in the sharing mood, huh? Well, let me see…I can spare a  
few days away. Has Tim been around?"  
  
  
  
Alfred frowned at this question. "Master Timothy has been quite  
secretive himself as of late. He helps patrol the city in the evenings.  
However, most of his down time is spent upstairs in his room. He claims  
to be researching a personal project. I am convinced he is chatting  
with a girl."  
  
  
  
Dick laughed. "Research…yeah right!"  
  
  
  
************  
  
  
  
"Okay Bruce, this can't be right. You've got to do it  
again. You're not entering the correct data…or the program is  
flawed."  
  
  
  
"Who are you talking to?"  
  
  
  
Bruce whipped his head up guiltily, simultaneously minimizing the screen  
on the computer. "Dick? What brings you here?"  
  
  
  
"Alfred."  
  
  
  
Huffing, the older man turned back to stare at his desktop. "I told  
him I could handle this one alone."  
  
  
  
"According to him, you've been handling it alone for three  
days…without sleeping or eating," Dick pointed out.  
  
  
  
"I've eaten! He brought me tea and sandwiches." Bruce  
motioned to a half-empty cup and a saucer with more than crumbs left  
over.  
  
  
  
"Uh-huh." Sighing, Dick suggested, "Look Bruce, I'm  
here now. You might as well let me help."  
  
  
  
Bruce hesitated, uncertainty dancing in his eyes.  
  
  
  
"Come on, Bruce. It's me! Just tell me about this  
case…sometimes talking it out will bring in new light."  
  
  
  
"You have to promise me something."  
  
  
  
"Anything!" Dick answered readily.  
  
  
  
"You won't tell anybody about this," Bruce stated firmly.  
"Nobody else can know."  
  
  
  
"I'm good at keeping secrets. I was trained by the best!"  
Dick smiled broadly at his father.  
  
  
  
"I mean it, Dick!" Bruce warned, "Nobody must ever know  
about this…or so help me I'll…"  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I get it, man. You'll make me wish I had never  
asked." Shaking his head, Dick questioned, "What's going  
on? Why's this case so hush-hush?"  
  
  
  
"Well, it actually isn't a case, per say," Bruce admitted.  
At Dick's confused stare, he opened up the minimized window on his  
screen. "Just…here. Take a look for yourself."  
  
  
  
Dick sat down in the offered chair. For several minutes, he stared  
silently at the computer screen.  
  
  
  
"Well?" Bruce finally asked impatiently.  
  
  
  
"Bruce, this is a personality quiz."  
  
  
  
"Yeah, I know! Did you see the results?"  
  
  
  
"Well, yeah," Dick answered, totally stumped. "But it's  
just a Superhero Personality Quiz, Bruce. It's not like it's  
rocket science or the SAT."  
  
  
  
"But the results…!" Bruce started.  
  
  
  
"I'm not saying I agree with it. Far from it! But it's  
just an online quiz, Bruce! Probably made up by some junior high  
fanboy."  
  
  
  
"But the results…!"  
  
  
  
"Gah!" Dick yanked at his hair. He couldn't believe Bruce  
would obsess over something this ridiculous. "It's not that  
bad!"  
  
  
  
"It says I'm Superman!"  
  
  
  
"He's a nice guy…" Dick offered.  
  
  
  
"I am NOT Clark! I am not even close to being Clark Kent!"  
  
  
  
"Bruce, calm down."  
  
  
  
"Calm down?" Bruce paced back and forth. "How can I calm  
down? I've taken that quiz repeatedly and every time the results  
are the same! Superman! I am NOT Superman! I am the freakin'  
Batman!!!"  
  
  
  
Dick pinched the bridge of his nose. "Maybe you're taking the  
test wrong. You know you're supposed to answer the questions  
honestly and not mark answers that you think will give you a certain  
desired result."  
  
  
  
Bruce gave his son a withering glare. "I have been answering it  
honestly. It says I'm Superman! I've never even wanted to be  
Kent! Why would I answer questions to get that kind of a result?"  
  
  
  
Spreading his hands, Dick asked, "Well, what now? You can't  
just sit down here in the cave for the rest of your life arguing with  
your computer."  
  
  
  
"No, but I do need you to do something for me. It's possible  
the program itself is flawed."  
  
  
  
Nodding, Dick said, "You want me to take it, so we can see my  
results. Fine. If it will make you happy and keep you from going  
crazy, I'll take it."  
  
  
  
**********  
  
  
  
Tim sat at his computer desk in his room. According to the data, his  
Superhero Personality Quiz was extremely popular. There had been well  
over 1000 hits within the past 72 hours. The results were even more  
interesting. The world seemed to have an exclusive population of  
Superman personalities. Perhaps the program was flawed.  
  
  
  
Refreshing the page, the Teen Wonder smiled. Finally, a different  
result! Maybe not so flawed after all!  
  
  
  
**********  
  
  
  
"Harper! What kinda test is this?"  
  
  
  
"An evil one," Bruce muttered, placing a comforting hand on his  
stunned boy's shoulder.  
  
  
  
"This can't be right," Dick growled. "Roy's a good  
friend and all…but I'm nothing like him!"  
  
  
  
"So the program's flawed, right?" Bruce asked hopefully.  
  
  
  
"I know someone who can possibly find out for us," Dick said.  
  
  
  
"NO!" Bruce practically shouted. "Nobody else needs to  
know! You promised!"  
  
  
  
"But Bruce, she ROCKS," Dick stated firmly. "You know she  
could figure this one out in no time flat."  
  
  
  
"If you ask me, I think it's a criminal mastermind who's  
behind this…distracting me from Gotham."  
  
  
  
"Well, it's working, isn't it?" The younger man stood  
up and placed both hands on Bruce's shoulders. "Look, we  
don't have to tell her our results. We can just ask her to look  
into the quiz herself. Once she gets her results, she'll be all  
over it."  
  
  
  
"She doesn't have to know about Kent?"  
  
  
  
"Nope."  
  
  
  
"Okay, let's do it then."  
  
  
  
***********  
  
  
  
"Master Timothy?"  
  
  
  
At the knock, Tim swiftly stood up from his desk, dove to his bed, and  
picked up a comic book. "Yeah, Alfred. Come on in."  
  
  
  
Stepping into the room, Alfred noted the teen sprawled out on the bed  
with a plastered innocent smile. "I had thought it best to inform  
you of Master Dick's presence."  
  
  
  
"Dick's here?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, he went downstairs to assist Master Bruce."  
  
  
  
"Ah!" Tim smiled. "Hoping Dick'll help find out  
what's bothering Bruce lately?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, I had hoped. However, it appears that Master Dick has become  
just as agitated as Master Bruce." Alfred sighed in despair.  
"Perhaps you should go and offer your support."  
  
  
  
"Sure," Tim agreed. "But Bruce wouldn't let me into the  
cave earlier."  
  
  
  
"We must always keep hope," Alfred encouraged, as he lead Tim  
out of the room.  
  
  
  
*********  
  
  
  
"Wow guys!" Barbara's face flooded the screen. "Thanks  
for the link! That was so much fun!"  
  
  
  
"Fun?" Bruce questioned in disbelief.  
  
  
  
"Yeah," Barbara shook her head in amazement. "I can't  
believe how accurate it was!"  
  
  
  
"Accurate?" Dick ran his hand through his hair.  
"Babs…exactly what result did you get?"  
  
  
  
"Well, I just said it was accurate, Sherlock. What result do you  
think I got?"  
  
  
  
"Humor us," Bruce demanded.  
  
  
  
"Oracle, of course," Barbara stated proudly. "After all,  
that's who I am."  
  
  
  
Bruce and Dick exchanged disheartened glances.  
  
  
  
Barbara didn't miss the forlorn and disturbed faces. "Guys,  
what's wrong? There's something you are not telling me."  
  
  
  
"Nothing," Bruce answered all too quickly.  
  
  
  
"Bruce, we've got to tell…"  
  
  
  
"NO! You promised! Not a soul!"  
  
  
  
"But it's Babs! She won't squeal…"  
  
  
  
"Like you said you wouldn't?"  
  
  
  
"GAH!!! You're hopeless!"  
  
  
  
Barbara sighed. "Will you two shut up and tell me what's the  
big deal?"  
  
  
  
"We didn't get accurate results," Dick explained, ignoring  
his father's glare.  
  
  
  
"What results did you get?"  
  
  
  
"Inaccurate ones," Bruce answered, trying his best to salvage  
the situation.  
  
  
  
"Well, mine came back as Arsenal," Dick admitted readily.  
  
  
  
"Roy Harper?" Barbara began to laugh.  
  
  
  
"What's so funny?" Dick demanded.  
  
  
  
"I told you not to tell," Bruce said. Pointing at Barbara, he  
added, "I knew that would be the reaction."  
  
  
  
"Oh stuff it, Bruce!" Barbara wiped a few tears from her eyes.  
"It's just that a few years ago, that would have so not been  
true."  
  
  
  
"A few years ago? What about now?" Dick asked confused.  
  
  
  
"You have to admit you've taken a few lessons in womanizing from  
Roy over the past few years, Dick. That's all."  
  
  
  
"She's got a point," Bruce stated with certainty.  
  
  
  
"Oh yeah, Mr. Clark Kent? Why don't we discuss your love life  
for a bit?" Dick smiled knowingly, as he heard Barbara's squeal  
of delight.  
  
  
  
"Superman?" A cackle sounded before the computer flashed a  
picture of the green floating Oracle head and began playing elevator  
music. The words Oracle is away for the moment scrolled repeatedly  
across the bottom of the screen. Both men knew that Barbara was sparing  
them her hysterical outburst at this new information.  
  
  
  
Bruce's face turned a bright red. "You promised!"  
  
  
  
Dick shrugged. "It was a necessary evil."  
  
  
  
"You're a little turn coat," Bruce muttered. "I knew  
there was a reason I liked working alone."  
  
  
  
"Whatever."  
  
  
  
"Back," Barbara's voice echoed through the cave, as her face  
reappeared on screen. "Sorry `bout that." Clearing her  
throat, she said seriously, "Okay, so what do you want me to do?  
Find the creator?"  
  
  
  
"Creator? You're looking for God?" Tim jumped down the  
last two stairs. "There's plenty of Bibles and other religious  
books upstairs in the study."  
  
  
  
"Hey Timbo! Just who we need!" Dick clapped his little brother  
on the back.  
  
  
  
Giving Tim a hastily fake smile, Bruce yanked Dick to his side and  
whispered, "We do not need to involve him."  
  
  
  
"Would you stop already?" Dick complained. "Tim is part of  
the team and he's great with computer programs. Let's give him  
a crack at it."  
  
  
  
"Crack at what?" Tim asked curiously.  
  
  
  
"First he has to take the quiz," Barbara insisted. "If he  
has bogus results, we'll know something is wrong with the program.  
If not…well, something is wrong with both of you…the original  
dynamic doofuses."  
  
  
  
Dick rolled his eyes. "Excuse me?"  
  
  
  
Sighing, Bruce waved Tim over to the computer.  
  
  
  
When Tim sat down and saw the webpage, he leaped out of the chair.  
"This is what you've been doing for three days?"  
  
  
  
"Yes, I know it's just an online personality quiz," Bruce  
admitted. "But it's got me all wrong!"  
  
  
  
"Me too!" Dick chimed in.  
  
  
  
"Pegged me right on the head," Barbara bragged with a grin.  
  
  
  
Gripping the teenager's shoulders, Bruce shoved Tim back down into  
the chair. "So now it's your turn. We need more data."  
  
  
  
"Well, you see that's the funny thing," Tim began nervously.  
  
  
  
"Something's funny?" Bruce scratched his head in thought.  
"I hadn't thought of the Joker coming up with this kind of a  
plan, but it is plausible."  
  
  
  
"Nooooo," Tim whined miserably. "Bruce, I've already  
taken the quiz."  
  
  
  
Bruce narrowed his eyes at his young partner. "You have?"  
  
  
  
"I've got a bad feeling about this," Dick mumbled.  
  
  
  
"Oh no!" Barbara gasped. "Tim, you aren't…"  
  
  
  
"I am." Tim nodded in acknowledgement. "I'm  
Batman."  
  
  
  
"But I wanted to be Batman!" Dick protested loudly.  
  
  
  
"Don't worry, Dick," Tim said, as he swiveled in his chair  
to look up at the two older men. "I know the correct sequence of  
answers for that one. I don't mind sharing."  
  
  
  
"You'll share with me too?" Bruce asked pitifully. "I  
don't want to be Kent anymore. He's boring."  
  
  
  
"No prob, big guy. You should've just come to me in the first  
place. There actually was a glitch in the program that kept throwing it  
off." Tim stood up and placed his hand on Bruce's shoulder.  
"Besides, I doubt anyone would ever confuse you with Big Blue."  
  
  
  
**********  
  
  
  
"No! That can't be right!"  
  
  
  
"Hey, what are you working on, Smallville?" Lois leaned over  
her cubicle to glance down at her husband in the neighboring workspace.  
  
  
  
"Oh!" Clark minimized his screen and gave his most innocent  
smile. "Just some research…for an article. That's  
all."  
  
  
  
"Are you sure? You've been slaving away at that computer for  
hours, muttering under your breath about being wrong and incorrect  
data." Lois shook her head. "You're starting to sound like  
Bruce when he's obsessing over something."  
  
  
  
"What did you say?" Clark demanded.  
  
  
  
"Nothing," Lois answered back, holding up her hands defensively.  
"You don't have to get all snippy about it."  
  
  
  
"I'm sorry…" Clark adjusted his glasses. "Only  
it's a difficult project. I just need a little more time to figure  
it out is all."  
  
  
  
"Okay," Lois accepted, knowing he was lying and that she would  
be able to weasel any undisclosed information out of Clark eventually.  
"I'm heading out. Don't be late for supper!"  
  
  
  
"I won't," he promised. "I just need to check this one  
more time…" As soon as Lois was out of earshot, Clark maximized  
the Superhero Personality Quiz tab on his screen and muttered,  
"…because I am so NOT Bruce."  
  
  
  
The End!  
  
  
  
  
  
*** NOTE: This sillyfic was a result from talking with a friend after  
taking one of those Batman Personality Quiz things. I was totally obsessing with the  
answer I got and couldn't figure out why this little quiz pegged me as  
Batman...I had to take it repeatedly and get myself into way more of a  
fit than was sanely necessary. That's when I got a clue. LOL Hope you  
enjoyed!


End file.
